I don't even know where to start with this one.

My husband acts like a complete ass sometimes. But then again, what man doesn't? Lately, he's been ignoring me for whatever reason. He can sit in the same room with me for hours, & not say one word. He claims it's because he "sees me everyday." However, he sees alot of people everyday, & he still laughs with, jokes with, & talks to them. And then when I decide to get on my phone & text or talk to someone online, it's always "Why do you ALWAYS have to be talking to someone?" Well gee, at least other people talk to me, since my own husband won't.

And, like most men, he might as well have the word "hypocrite" stamped to his forehead. Example: a FEMALE friend of mine texts me at 10:30, & it's "Why is she texting you so late? Blah blah blah." I'm sorry sit, I didn't realize I had a texting curfew. So when his female friend texts him last night at the same hour, naturally, I decide to say something. But of course, he's right & I'm wrong. As usual. I guess it's just the way the cookie crumbles, huh?

And don't get me started on his outstanding level of affection. Have you ever met a man who barely even touches his wife? No kisses, no hugs, no nothing. Hell, I haven't even had sex with the man in weeks. Why? Why knows. I try talking to him about it, yet he claims "nothing is wrong." He doesn't mind getting a good BJ, no of course not. But sex: nope. And speaking of BJ's, he won't even return the damn favor. So I literally get NOTHING. Yet I would be wrong if I sought it from somewhere else, wouldn't I?

I don't know what to do anymore. Talking doesn't seem to work. Crying is useless. Yelling is silly. So I'm stuck. I try & try & try. All I do is give, & for what? I get nothing in return half of the time. So I'm gonna start being a bitch. No more Mrs. Nice. You wanna play that game? Well I'll play it better. Get your gloves on, cause it's gonna be a long battle.

Little does he know

I know I get mad sometimes, thinking about the wrongs he's done.
But sometimes, I just can't help but think about what I've done, too.
Little does he know what I've done.
I was slick about my dirt. I never slipped up.
He, on the other hand, did.
If you're gonna do them wrong, there's one rule to remember: DON'T GET CAUGHT.
I'm not proud of what I've done, by no means at all.
And I know two wrongs don't make it right.
But two wrongs sure do make you FEEL right.
I'm ashamed to say, there's an underlying sense of satisfaction, knowing that, in the end, I won.
Does that make me a bad person? I think not. It makes me human.
In the end, I want to let it all go. It clouds my mind every single day. But it is what it is.

My baby turned one today

We had a blast. I can't believe she's one already. Enjoy the pics!

Party party party

Kendra's turning one tomorrow. And we all know how fun party planning is (sarcasm).

I'm one of those people who doesn't like to rely on others to get things done. I like to do it all myself. Not always a good thing. Because now I have to make 4 different dishes for the party. Needless to say, as excited as I am for this party, I'm anxious for all this to be done & over with.

And don't ask me what possessed me to order her a $200 cake (yeah, you read it right. $200, for a damn cake), but I did. So I really hope it turns out...well, perfectly!

Ok, back to work. I'll post pics from the party tomorrow!

"It's 1 o'clock in the f****ng morning!"

I was so excited last night. No, not because we had sex (lol), but because I got to go to sleep at 10:30. After running around, chasing an almost-one-year-old all day, sleep is like gold.

Then I get a text message. At 1am. I jumped up, because for anyone who has ever had their phone vibrate on a table in the middle of the night, it's startling. What does the oh-so-important text message say, you ask? "Chef"

Ok, background: I went to culinary school. The person who texted me was a close friend I made there, & "chef" was sort of an inside joke about this girl we hated (mean, yes I know.)

Anywho, why in God's name would you feel the need to text that to me at 1am?! Do you not know I'm married, with a child?! First of all, now I have to explain to my husband why my guy friend thinks it would be a good idea to text me at that hour. And secondly, now I have to try to get back to sleep (which is hard for me, by the way), only to have to wake up again at 7am to a crying alarm clock.

Seriously people, if you have any friends who are married and/or have kids, do not text them at 1am please. We aren't single & out partying all night. We are trying to catch up on sleep because our kids are exhausting us. So, here's my tip for today: unless you're literally dying, do NOT text me at 1am. That is all.

All about me

Well, I'm fairly new to the whole blogging thing, so bare with me.

My name is Becca. I'm 20 years old. I have a beautiful daughter, Kendra (she's turning one this Saturday, by the way), and a great husband, Terrence (well, he's great most of the time, lol.)

This blog is basically about my life. A completely "uncensored" approach to how I live. You know how sometimes you can't say EXACTLY what's on your mind? Well, that's why I made this blog. So that- no matter what- I can say exactly how I feel about anything. No sugarcoating here. I tell it like it is.

I hope you enjoy this as much as I do.

-Becca

PS- Find me on BabyCenter (screenname beccaaa8907) or on Facebook.com/rmatthews89